Tags
bisexual, communication, dating, experimenting, girls, hooking up, lesbian, pansexual, polyamory, Queer, relationships, sex, women, women who love women
Please don’t take this the wrong way. I get it – I really do. I was there. I made a mess of things, as well, and I still feel like a jerk about it. But maybe from now on, can we have at least some basic ground rules? That would help me out so much.
1. Just because I’m polyamorous doesn’t mean I don’t care and I’ll hook up with anyone without giving a hoot. So if you would like to get your first “girly” experience over with, consider for a moment that I may not be the one you want to do it with. Because I will actually care. Quite a bit. About you, and about me. For example, if you don’t reply to any of my messages, I will be concerned that you’ve either died or are upset with me. If this is not a desirable outcome, find someone who won’t message you in the first place. Lots of people like this exist.
2. Just because I identify as queer (or don’t really give a crap about identification, but definitely like the people I like) doesn’t mean that I’m a good target. I get that you’re female and all, but I’m still choosey. This is not complicated.
3. Just because I don’t “look” gay doesn’t mean I’m a good target. If your goal is to conveniently and quietly hook up with someone who fits into mainstream society well and doesn’t “look” too marginal, or weird, or unacceptable – kindly get lost. If “fitting in” is still a concern when you are about to do one of society’s least-acceptable acts, I recommend giving your head a shake.
4. It’s okay to feel weird. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to get awkward. It’s so much more than okay.
But please don’t deal with it by cutting me off, ignoring me, avoiding me, or generally making me feel awful. It makes me very hesitant to risk myself emotionally with anyone who even seems to be in an experimental phase. Communicate, and communicate honestly. It’s the only way this can be done. I am not going to freak out and get angry. And if I did, you would have full permission to kick me in the shins, because it would mean I was being a jerk. I generally try not to be a jerk, but of course need to be reminded every once in a while by the beautiful people in my life how not to be one.
5. Female-female relationships are not worth-less. By that I mean they’re not side-dishes to the main course of heterosexuality. They’re equal, or perhaps even greater, to the love and trust and closeness that happen between a girl and a guy. Promise. So don’t brush it off. Don’t believe what Disney or our culture or Freud or porn has to say on the subject. These connections mean something – so for the sake of respecting that capacity in you, and that capacity in me, let’s embrace and cherish them.
Clay